The English word "love" can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from pleasure (I loved that movie) to interpersonal attraction (I love my partner). Love in its various forms acts as a major facilitator of interpersonal relationships and, owing to its central psychological importance, is one of the most common themes in creative arts.
For me love is a strong word/feeling. I have never really been able to say I love you to the people I cared about. I guess a part of me was always afraid to put my true feelings out there. It all started when I was three years old, my parents had been married for five years and together for 13 years all in all. Coming from a broken home and having both parents with different partners always made me feel that I was not capable of loving or being loved.
Through my journey as soon as I became attached or loved someone (what I thought was love) they either died or left, resulting in leaving me on an emotional roller coaster of love, thus I have slowly but surely built these facades making it impenetrable therefore protecting myself from any further hurt, but a wise women(my mom) once told me that in order to truly be loved you have to love completely even if it means getting hurt in the process and to learn to love unconditionally.
Through the years my cousins and I have always said we inherited the "Geduld" family curse, as the people we chose to love would either hurt us, leave us or damage us for future relationships resulting in us believing that we would be spinsters . The reason we named this the Geduld family curse is because my aunt was the first one to be cursed, when her heart was broken many years ago resulting in her giving up on love all together.( we don't really know the true story, but what was revealed to us was really heartsore and it's not my place to share her heartache).
In the past couple of months I guess we finally broke the family curse, where we all started breaking the cycle by allowing other people into our lives.
So why write this post about love now? Maybe it's because I am inlove or maybe it's because I have finally decided to face my fears and the family curse and listen to wise words my mom once said, and embrace it. As I don't really know what love is, as I never truly loved before, however I do know that another persons love does not complete me as i would have to love myself first in order to truly be loved. The only people I ever loved was my family and true friends. Lets put it this way I have opened myself up to new possibilities and to find out if I can break the family curse.
Adapted from google images
Till next time...
No comments:
Post a Comment