Part 3: Living with Bipolar

I remember the feeling in my throat when I told my doctor last year that I wanted to be booked into the clinic to try and discover what was wrong with me, was it  that my addictive personality came from a long heritage of Bipolar in my family or was it that I was just depressed cause my mom was away on business all year or was it because finally my symptoms of Bipolar was finally surfacing. 

After my 3 week stay at crescent clinic my doctor said he still doesn't want to diagnose me Bipolar but it's the most obvious. I was on all types of medication from serequel to olexar till we eventually found that olexar was the best medication for me and that it was helping me keep my mood stabilized. I had many side effects on the medication prescribed to me like itchiness, tiredness, rashes and even lethargic at times. I looked and felt like a zombie. During my stay at Crecent Clinic I hated group session as I didn't believe I needed it, and because been in a group would just depress me more hearing other people's problems who were far worse then mine. The group, therapist sessions portrayed in movies are similar to what really happens except you therapist says more the " and how does that make you feel" if you not an addict you don't greet in group My name is "John and I'm Bipolar" it's easy going and you not obligated to share its up to you. You can support the next person who is sharing and ask them questions to help you cope with your problems. 

My favorite things to do while I was in the clinic was the morning session which was meant to be fun and to wake you up, catch up on where you are in your program, another session I never missed was art & crafts, it was my favorite because the lady in charge was like my mom away from home. 

I enjoyed writing in my journal about my experiences and one day hope to turn my experiences in the clinic into a book. I  still have my good days and my bad days, I still make irrational choices and Im impulsive, guess it's all part of the journey, I do snap at my family and friends sometimes, and I do still sleep to make my problems go away even though I know it's impossible. 

I guess sometimes I wish my Psychiatrist said you "Border Line Personality" and that you won't have to go on medication and that it's normal because that's just your personality. Sometimes I wish I was normal with problems like everyone else. 

But I'm not complaining because I have learnt to accept it and deal with it. That God is only putting out these obstacles in my life because he has a better plan for me. 

Till next time...